I Found Myself Embracing Autism (Part 3)

His beautiful face

I listen to her speak.

I listen to God speak.

Mighty To Save pours lyrics through my head, the music calms. Thoughts are shooting through my confused mind, the song organizes them.

Everyone needs compassion
A love that’s never failing
Let mercy fall on me

Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

I need compassion,  unfailing love, mercy and forgiveness. I need kindness, and saving.  But as much as I am so deeply aware of this need right now, I am also becoming more aware of the repeated word in the song: Everyone.

Everyone needs it–not just me.  And my mind is opening to the realization that it’s not about “just me”.  It is about more that that, it’s bigger than I can wrap my mind around at the moment.

Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
He rose & conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

He is able to save. He can move the seemingly impossible mountains. He can heal autism. He can heal me. He can choose to do either because He is God, and He is Holy.  He does what is right.  Whether he does what I wish for or not, He can do it.  And he is good.  Good no matter what He chooses–to heal or not to heal does not change the fact that He is good, He is holy.

So take me as You find me
All my fears & failures
Fill my life again

All my fears and failures are so plentiful. I have doubted God.  I have thought he tricked me by giving me so much.  But He takes me anyway-a heap on the floor, emptied at His feet. Ready to be filled again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender (I surrender)

I give my life again to God.  I surrender my will, my child, my life.

I trust Him.  It’s bigger than me, so much bigger than me.  My hearts been broken for those who don’t know THIS God.  Those who don’t know, yet have to deal with all the nastiness this life can bring.

If God can do more to help them by allowing Sketch to have autism, than if he does not… If He is saying to me that He will use my life to help people know Him, because of my kids with autism…so they can rely on the same promises that have saved me…then it’s ok. It’s OK if Sketch has autism.

It’s ok.

God has a plan in this, too.  He is Mighty to Save.  He has promised to never leave me or forsake me. He has promised to help me. I am not alone in this.

With God, I can do anything. With God, I can do this.

I can raise this autism family, as hard as I fear it may get at times.  God promises me He is here with me; He will strengthen me and He will help me.

Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
He rose & conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

Shine Your light &
Let the whole world see
We’re singing
For the glory
Of the risen King
Jesus

This is what this life is about.  To let the light God has place in me shine for all to see.  For other autism families to see that light and have hope.  Hope that leads to Saving.  They need to know this God that is not overwhelmed by what overwhelms us, but who sees all that goes on and reaches his hand in and helps.

You’re the Savior
You can move the mountains
Lord You are mighty to save
You are mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
You rose & conquered the grave
Yes You conquered the grave

“I give him to You, God! I give him to you!” I cry out.

My voice paves a path for the Holy Spirt to reach down deep and pull up my will.  My voice hands it over to God. It’s not about my will. It’s about His.

As I consider that God really does keep his promises, and that what is too much for me, is not too much for Him, another song reaches my ears and I realize how I had put Him in a box and made him stay there.  On this weekend, God revealed to me some of his Bigness, and I have been blown away.  A complete paradigm shift took over my thinking and along with it, I realize how I had limited God in my mind.  The song is Be Magnified. It’s lyrics are the perfect prayer from me to God.  Humbled, I sing:

Be Magnified
I have made You too small in my eyes
O Lord, forgive me;
I have believed in a lie
That You were unable to help me.
But now, O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong;
And in my eyes and with my song
O Lord, be magnified
O Lord, be magnified.
CHORUS:

Be magnified, O Lord
You are highly exalted;
And there is nothing You can’t do
O Lord, my eyes are on You.
Be magnified,
O Lord, be magnified.

Be magnified, O Lord
You are highly exalted;
And there is nothing You can’t do
O Lord, my eyes are on You.
Be magnified,
O Lord, be magnified.

I have leaned on the wisdom of men
O Lord, forgive me;
And I have responded to them
Instead of Your light and Your mercy.
But now, O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong;
And in my eyes with my song
O Lord, be magnified
O Lord, be magnified.

A fresh memory floods my mind.  God reminds me of that day with Dash and the Princess, when He showed me how perfect He made them.

And  again, this truth comforts me:  God knew all along that Sketch would have autism.  He made him that way on purpose, for a purpose. He is exactly the way He is supposed to be.

I haven’t lost anything. Sketch and Dash are here, made just as God intended.  I have gained everything.  I have gained fresh glimpses into a God so big no one can fathom it. I have gained more respect for how God made all people.

Society says this is good and that is damaged; this is perfect and that is ruined. Society says to me, “How sad that they have autism.” Society says this or that will cure them.  This or that will make them more like us.

But God says these are his work of art and He is making them more like Him. Ephesians 2:10  “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago”

I choose to believe God and in doing so, I have gone from being afraid of the “signs” of autism, to loving the the quirks and the uniqueness of autism.

I find so much joy and treasure in the way God made these boys, and I can not wait to see some of His purposes–those good things he planned for them– fulfilled in them and because of them.

Then one day when I wasn’t looking,

I found myself embracing autism.

[Click here to read part 1 or part 2.]

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Unauthorized Paint

The other morning Dash was on one of his missions to destroy…in his quiet impulsive way so you don’t know what happened for a while after the deeds are done.

Quick like  a bunny hopping in the snow, he went went from thing to thing…first it was coloring in Princess Buttercups new Make Your Own Calendar, then he did that again… then he “smartly” moved on to fiddling with the buttons on my new teapot–took a while to figure out what those beeps were from!  And then…I noticed the paint.

Yes, the paint.  I sat down to look at my “art work” from the night before, and saw that he had gone in my drawer attached to my new easel and got a new tube of red paint… opened it and squeezed a big spiral right in the middle of my cobalt blue masterpiece!!!  Ok, it really was my first attempt at watercolors, and I was trying to practice different techniques I had read about, but boy did that infuriate me!!!  After all, I created that “imperfect work becoming art” piece!

While Dash was in time out, and I was trying to finish getting ready for church, I continued stewing over this.  It is so frustrating!  He had no right to ruin my creation like that.

And you know, I truly believe that God feels that way too… when someone “messes up” or mistreats one of His creations, His work of art…one of his children.  He hurts for us when we are mistreated–when someone markes up His masterpiece!

Often, at the time when we, or a loved one, are mistreated in some way, we don’t think of Him that way.  Maybe he seems distant or uncaring…after all, he DID allow it to happen, he could have stopped it, right?

Well, maybe, but one thing I do know and want to focus on is that He is not uncaring.  I mean, we just celebrated Christmas, the birth of Christ, The Savior entering into the world as flesh and  blood!  God sent his only son as a baby to save the world, because of His love for us. And because he sent him as a newly conceived baby, Jesus lived his entire life here.

He experienced everything we do, so that he could sympathise with us… or more to the point, so that we would KNOW he has been there, done that, had that happen to Him.  That WE would know that He has experienced everything we have been through, and can completely understand.  Not only understand, but Jesus went through all he did here in his life without ever sinning, not even a bad thought. He was perfect so that he could save us.  God cares THAT much.  His own perfect Son was brutally mistreated.  He understands.

Funny thing is, that he could have stopped it all whenever he wanted. He could have given up.  But he didn’t. It was because of the joy set before him: us, that he persevered.  And I am so eternally grateful, because if he gave up, stopped, or made things “easier” for him, then he would not be able to understand.  He would not have conquered all the struggles and temptations, he would not have given us hope that there is a way out.  And in a way, it would be hard to prove that He really cared that much.  But instead, God went to the ultimate extreme to demonstrated the depths of love he has for us…

The word “caring” is really an understatment.

Hebrews 4:15 “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.”

Hebrews 2:17 “For this reason he had to be made like them, fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. 18 Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”

Hebrews 12:2 “For the joy setbefore him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

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